"What?" I asked.
He peered at me, "You don't think you're feminine do you?"
(For anyone who has ever spent time with my Kallin, you will understand that this is a really normal thing for him to say. He is remarkably perceptive and he is always observing the people around him. He has a habbit of blurting out his observations in the middle of a conversation that has nothing to do with what he notices. I have learned a ton about myself in moments just like this one.)
He was right (He usually is-its his most frustrating quality).
I have always been ridiculously tall...even in Kindergarten. It has been the bane of my existence and one of the reasons that I have had difficulty with feeling truly feminine. I am often clumsy, my feet are big and I am usually awkward in a crowd. There are many reasons and I could probably spend all day explaining just why Kallin hit the nail on the head. But for your sakes, I will just leave it at that.
I have spent a lot of time since then, pondering what it is to be feminine. I have tried several things to help create this girly feeling but I fall short quite a bit.
And then I got pregnant.
This is the only picture I have of myself prego. I know it's not very good-it was taken with my phone. My sister wanted to see my stomach so she could tell me when I would give birth. She said I had another two weeks. She was wrong, I gave birth 48hours later.
This is the part of the post that I would like to tell you I was a pregnant loving, earth mother type. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. I HATED being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled about the baby, I just didn't relish the adventure and the effects his growing had on my insides. One time he kicked me so hard, one of the blood vessels on my stomach ruptured. Beautiful!But a not so small miracle did occur-I felt, for the first time in my whole life, LIKE A GIRL! It was magic.
I love my little boy for so many reasons but I want him to know that it wasn't till he came along that I actually achieved that divine status: Woman.
I will treasure that feeling forever.
8 comments:
I love the pregnant belly picture and I love that Murdock was such a cute newborn. He has changed, but not so much that he still looks like himself. What says woman better than sore boobies and swollen crotch?? :) Love you!!
Oh, Nanette. I remember when you used to tell people you were 5-foot-12 because you were embarrassed to say you were 6 feet tall. You were then and are now beautiful inside and out.
Yeah. I feel ya...except without the pregnant part.
I never felt feminie growing up... not due to height or shoe size...but due to my weight. Ha ha.
They say as we are growing up, "these things take time..." but what they really mean is "just dont think about it."
There are so many things that we are pressured into thinking is beautiful...and the truth is...we are all beautiful in our own way!
p.s. I have always thought you were gorgous! and...When I was growing up I wanted to be you...because of your beauty inside & out!
Love your thoughts. But I have to say I'm surprised...I think of you as highly feminine. (the glance at your wedding picture to the left confirms it!)
I feel more and more feminine as my house keeps filling up with boys. I'm the pink-wearing perfume-spraying one. :o)
Jan
It's so funny how you can get to know someone by reading their blog, but still not really know them.
I think you look so lovely, SO LOVELY, in your wedding photo on the sidebar. From the looks of it, I would have assumed you were quite feminine.
I hear you about being tall.
Dating, shoes, pants, shirts, it was ALL a pain.
I'm only 5'10"
Blech. Pregnancy!
What a cute post. I love the pregnant picture. I love pregnant women. I love the last picture at the bottom.
You could have fooled me. I think you look very feminine. You are very beautiful girl.
I love this post! I didn't realize your pregnancy was so hard. I hear you on that one. Luckily, this one has been my easiest of the four (which is still not to say - "walk in the park" easy). Oh, motherhood. It is the best isn't it? Having my first baby put me in touch with a feminine side I had never even known I was lacking. And, I never even noticed that you are 6-feet tall. I've always thought you were beautiful!
And a VERY lovely WOMAN you are! One of the most beautiful women I know if truth be known. :)
XXOO
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