Blessed Art Thou Mother

Blessed art thou woman, for thou shalt be called Mother.

Yea, and thy chores and thy tasks shall follow thee all the days of thy life.

And, thou shalt eat the bread of thine own baking, and thou shalt dwell forever

in a dirty house if thou dost not clean it.

Thou shalt arise before the cock croweth, and thou shalt say unto thine self,

"Where are the offspring which were given me? Yea, the sun has risen high in the sky and the hour is getting late; wherefore I have been many hours already preparing the way."

And thou shalt go and find thine offspring upon their cots. And thou shalt say unto them,

"Haste, arise and shine, for I have many labors for thee to preform, wherefore I have been many hours preparing the way."

And thine offspring shall linger in sleep and shall say unto thee, "Thou didst not watch the late, late, late show as I did last night, and mine eyes are heavy and mine loins acheth."

And thou shalt say unto thy offspring, "Get thee up from thy cot ere I lay my hand upon thee, and go ye hither and scrub a sparkling tub, for thou hast left black rings upon it's sides."

And thy offspring shall say unto thee, "I will go and do thy bidding in a minute." And thy rage shall know no end, and thou shalt weep and wail and gnash thy teeth mightily. Nevertheless, thou shalt scrub a sparkling tub thyself, and glory shall be added unto thee because thou didst not strike the lazy beast.

Thou art blessed above all others and thy descendants shall call thee blessed, for thou preparest a table before them. Thou cookest meat and all manner of tasty vittles, and they shall sit at the table and partake with thee.

And they shall add glory to thy crown for they shall let thee also wash the dishes, if thou wilt. And when the night falleth, thou shalt be pooped; and thy offspring shall say of thee, "She is an old woman, wherefore she neither goes dancing nor does she watch the late, late, late show."

Thy back shall ache with arthritis. Thy cane and thy husband shall be thy support. Thy veins shall be varicose in thy aching legs, but thou shalt do thy labors with a smile; neither shall thou gripe, for in the day thou doest, thy name shall be mud.

Nevertheless, thou art blessed, for thou art crowned with the angels on the second Sunday in May of each and every year. Therefore, thou shalt be blessed above all others, for thou art Mother, and thou shalt find peace and joy in thy offspring forever and ever....if thou endureth to the end!

Happy Mother's Day!