I had a brain break today.
I'm not sure the exact time it occurred, or if there was any specific event that triggered it, but that is just how it is living with Depression. It's the gift that just keeps on giving (even if you protest).
So I had a decision to make, I could easily give in and go to bed at 5 PM when Bobby comes home from work...OR, I could slap on my exercise stuff, hop in the car and catch a spin class before my Weight Watchers meeting.
I'm not proud of this, but I lounged on the couch not moving for probably an hour before my senses got a hold of me and I decided not to let Depression win. Today anyway.
Spin it is.
I like to get there early and steal the bike in the corner-the one placed just far enough back that you can't see yourself in the mirror. It's better for the self esteem.
Thursday is not my usual day for spin so I have no idea who is teaching but I hold out hope that at least the music might be good.
In walks a woman only a touch smaller than myself, about my mother's age sporting my grandmother's hair.
No way the music is going to be good.
My hopes dashed, I adjust myself on the pedals and we're off and spinning.
I am SHOCKED.
The music is not good. It's great.
Teacher shouts, "We came here to have some fun, let's do this!"
I quickly discover that not only is she the toughest teacher I've ever had, she is the best.
For lack of a better word, I am smitten and I vow NEVER to judge a book by it's cover EVER AGAIN.
Sweat is dripping into my eyes.
Why on earth did I decide to wear a long sleeve shirt?
My toes all fall asleep at the same time.
I am dying for water.
I hope this class never ends.
"I was born this way baby! And ain't no one gonna change me!"
I smile at Teacher. She is a pistol.
And then it happens.
She shuts the lights off completely. I can't see anything.
Suddenly I don't care what I look like on this thing.
I push harder.
I can smell myself. Gross.
Who cares?
Push harder.
My body starts to do what I ask it. It's not yelling at me to stop.
This is a first.
I hear Teacher shout, "Let's kick some ass!"
I laugh and crank up resistance.
Keep pushing.
My mind stops fighting.
It's clear.
Everything inside me is quiet.
Nothing pulling at me, nothing telling me I can't, nothing telling me I'm not worth it.
I feel amazing.
Now tears are mixing with the sweat in my eyes. They are happy to meet each other.
Adele starts to sing about lover's revenge.
Teacher sings along at the top of her lungs.
Soon the whole room is singing, "We could have had it all..."
But for that moment, that small amount of time, I felt like I did have it all.
A clear mind and cooperating body.
We were in the dark.
I saw the light.
See you next Thursday.
10 comments:
That was fantastic. I miss you.
Wife, You are amazing! I love you. X
First of all, props to you for going. Second, I'm glad you had such a great experience!
Nanette, this made me cry, you are an inspiration. Love you :)
Jealous! Wish I would have been there - singing in the dark crying and sweating with you!! Loved reading about it! :)
You have a gift for writing and inspiring. This post proves it. It's making me cry.
I LOVE this. LOVE with big giant couldn't be happier letters.
Simply. This makes me want a night out at the gym! A neat story, friend. :o) I've never gone to a spin class, but I will never think of them in the same way again.
Sooooo excited for you!!! Isn't it amazing what a little exercise can do to lift your spirits. I need your address so I can send you your bracelet.
And . . . mark your calendar for Feb. 10-11th. If there is any way you can get out to S.D. then, I'd love you to come to the plan I have brewing. It will be so awesome.
That post was AMAZING! Just what I needed to hear today. Thanks friend!!!!!
I've never done it with a teacher like the one you described, but, I too have had some pretty amazing endorphin highs in spin classes. Something about the music and working so hard. Loved your story!!!
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