A Bucket List and Promises

When I was 16 I read some book (for the life of me, I can't remember what it was...most likely a self-help-something-or-other) that inspired me to make a list of "100 Things to do Before I Die." I remember putting a lot of thought into the first ten and then I just filled in the last 90 with things that I knew looked great on paper. I locked the list away in my great grandmother's trunk and promptly forgot all about it as many a sixteen year old would do.

At eighteen, I graduated high school and moved out of state to attend college. The next couple of years are somewhat of a blur to me now. College, dating, new friends, boys, new state, boys...it pretty much went something like that. One thing does stick out in my mind and that was an overwhelming sense that I was not where I needed to be.

I took a year off to figure myself out. I moved back home (SO HARD) and got a job. I visited with family and old friends but I still couldn't figure out the missing piece so I did what I should have done in the first place-I prayed.

I prayed.

And prayed.

And prayed.

And then one day I woke up, went downstairs for breakfast and without a thought in my head, announced to the family that I was going on a mission.

"What?!"

I promise you that no one was more surprised than myself. But the immediate peace that I felt helped me to know that I had my answer. A mission it was!

And then I received my call (mission assignment). I had already decided that I wanted to open it by myself. I wanted that moment of quiet to absorb it all before I shared it with the rest of the world. Looking back, I know this was a purely selfish motive but I also know it was the best thing for me.

I walked to the Post Office alone and in a solitary corner read the words,

"You are hereby called to serve in the South Africa, Cape Town Mission."

I have only a handful of sacred moments, but this one will forever be etched on my heart. I ran home and rushed upstairs to my room. I busted open the old trunk and found the forgotten list of 100.

#4.) See the sunset in Africa

Humbled all the way down to my knees, in that moment, I KNEW. I knew that my Father in Heaven knew me. He knew my heart. And He granted me the very thing that I wanted, the very thing that I could not give myself-a year and a half of sunsets.

Its amazes me to think that the God of the Universe loves us so much that He would grant us our little vanities, that He would even care. But I have come to know over the years that what is important to my heart, is important to His.

There were days and even weeks on my mission that were especially difficult. (Missions have this fantastic way of holding up the mirror to your face and saying, "This is who you are. Now deal with it.")

Missions can bring the greatest joy and break your heart all to smithereens.

It was always during these times when the sunsets were their most brilliant. They were gorgeous orange and red reminders that God had not forgotten me.

During a particularly dark time, I sat outside the boarding during sunset praying. I needed to know that my efforts were worth something...anything. And the Spirit whispered to my heart, "Yes. You need to do this for your son."

My son.

One day there would be a little boy who would need a mother who had gone through this.

I could not have guessed then that I would fall in love with a man who converted to the gospel and had missed his chance for a mission.

That we would have a son.

That we would have sons.

And that these sons would need a mother who had served a mission-a mother who could tell them just what a sunset can mean.

God sees us, even when we cannot see ourselves.

He knows my sons.

He knows my husband.

And He always keeps His promises.

P.S-I have been able to mark off almost all of the first ten... :)