On Valentine's Day

Please forgive the personal nature of this post.

It has been a long time coming.

We got to go on one of their first dates. Not many kids can say that about their parents, but my brother and I can. And we knew then, on that date, that this was the one.

Three months later we stayed the night with Grandma and we took the opportunity to have the kind of serious sit down conversation that only a seven and eight year old can have.

"I like him."

"Me too. He is nice to Mom."

"And he picks us up and puts us on his shoulders."

"Yeah. Dads should probably do stuff like that."

"I think he is funny."

"Me too."

"So, do you think we should make him our dad?"

"Yup."

And so we prayed. We got down on our skinned knees and offered up the first real prayer of our hearts,

"Dear Heavenly Father,

We really like Dale Stokes. Please make him our dad.

Amen"

Then we settled down to watch Nick At Night on TV until sleep came.

We woke the next morning to Mom and Dale sitting on the edge of the bed. Mom was shiny. Dale asked if he could marry our mom.

We did the happy dance and jumped all over the bed. The answer was a resounding YES.

Of course it was-we made it happen.

That was twenty plus years ago and I have never taken the time to tell Daddy what is in my heart. Please indulge me as I do so now.

Dear Daddy,

I need you to know how much I love you.

I love you for loving my mom. She deserved a best friend and I know that she found that in you. Thank you for holding her hand and helping her through so many hard things. Thank you for making her laugh. She always said she wanted someone who could make her laugh.

You help us all to find the humor in things.

I love you because we fight.

Man have you and I fought! It took us years and years to find middle ground but I think we did and I am happy that we took the time to fight our way there. I know that there were some pretty rough patches but they make this place we have arrived to all the more sweet. I love you for forgiving me when I have disappointed you.

I love you for supporting me.

When I first announced that I wanted to serve a mission, or go to college, or quit college and go to beauty school-you were always the first to say, "Go for it." There are no words to tell you how much that has meant to me over the years.

Your letters on my mission kept me going. You probably thought they were just funny notes but they were real pieces of home and I will always treasure them.

You danced with me at both of my weddings.

I love you for being a hard worker.

You taught me by example that being on time is the most important thing. You taught me that no job is beneath me. You taught me to keep my obligations.

When I was younger, I got upset that you were not there for opening night of my plays. I was sad that you missed a few basketball games. I didn't understand. I didn't know that you would have given anything to be there. I didn't understand that by going to work everyday (even when you were sick or charred) that you were saying, "I love you."

I know now that supporting us financially was your own special language of love and I am so sorry that I did not see it then. It is one of my biggest regrets.

I love you for being the strong one.

When Mom told me that you had cancer I felt like I had swallowed a quarter.

I was not ready for something so real and scary.

But you were ok. You made it ok for all of us.

You were more worried about Mom. You took care of her first.

Thank you for choosing to fight it. Because we need you. I need you.

There is still so much to learn from you. There are still so many memories to make. There are more jokes to tell.

I am sorry that it has taken so long for me to talk about it. It took time for me to wrap my head around it. To come to terms that cancer happened to our family. That it happened to you-the strong one. To realize that we could have lost you. To celebrate the fact that you are still here and healthy.

This Valentine's Day I want to express my love to you for being my dad-my first Valentine.

I wanted to get you something special so I made a donation to the Prostate Cancer Foundation in your name. I wanted to donate to the people who work so hard to find a cure. So no one has to go through what you did.

I love you Dad.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Always,

Nanette